And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39 NLT
I Struggle
On the one hand, I know I am redeemed. I understand and accept that Jesus became all my sin, and died for my sin on the cross. I am now, because of my acceptance of Jesus Christ, a “son of God” (John 1:12, 11:52, Gal. 3:26, 1 John 3:1-3)
In my heart, I accept this, but my life doesn’t always reflect this. I struggle daily with temptation, the old self, and depression (a deep dark one that wants to swallow me in one bite). I lay this on the altar of the throne of God because he says he cares about our daily struggles (1 Pet. 5:7). Yet I struggle. I ask God daily when my life will be so full of His life, that mine becomes invisible. Sometimes I can’t tell the difference between people who are not saved and me.
I especially struggle with alienation because I am, according to the scriptures, “adopted” into God’s family (Gal. 4:5-6; Rom. 8:14-16). And I know this is true because, when I spend time alone in prayer, or in the word, or when I tell others about the glory of His grace, I feel His presence. I know He is there, and that He is my Father.
The alienation I feel comes when I get around other people who I know to be believers. I am rarely completely accepted into their fellowship. Perhaps I don’t do “Christianity” as they do, or our personalities just don’t mesh, or, whatever it is that separates us, separates us too deeply to be overcome. I recently spent time around some people who have a close walk with God, and I wanted to know them more, and better, but they had their walls up, and I was feeling too socially awkward to attempt to penetrate those walls.
I wonder why this dysfunction is present in God’s family but have to remember, we are still human, and deal with our own issues. We do not become perfected until the day we see Him face to face because it is then we will become just like Him (I Cor. 13:12).
The Solution
I have to understand that, just because I struggle with the same temptations as I struggled with before I accepted the free gift, I handle those struggles differently now than I did in the past. The biggest difference is that I can now take these struggles to a loving God, who carries me through them.
I am no longer ashamed of the Gospel. I am no longer afraid to tell others about Jesus at the drop of the hat. I am not timid about stopping and praying with anyone who asks for prayer.
The joy I get from giving away the word, my “wealth”, my time and freedom just so someone who was like me can understand God’s eternal Grace cannot be measured.
In the past, life was meaningless. You could have died right in front of me, and I would hardly care at all. Today, I see life as a very precious gift.
This is how I know that, even if people I love dearly do not love me back, I am still loved and accepted in the arms of God, my Father.
I cannot separate myself from God. Not only do I have no desire to, but I couldn’t if I tried. God’s hold on me is permanent and forever. All the evil I have committed is in the past, and I am forever accepted into His kingdom.
I may have to struggle until the day I die with certain issues, but I know that, on the cross, Jesus became every sin I ever committed and ever will commit, and put them to death. Jesus became the sin eater so I can partake of the divine joy of the feast of the bridegroom on that day.
Why I Wrote This One
I wrote this blog entry because I know there are others like me. Others who know in their hearts the sweet joy of salvation. Others who understand they are part of an eternal kingdom. Yes, you will struggle with things, but Jesus made it clear that if you give that struggle to Him, your burden will be light. He will give you the strength to walk through the trial and temptation and grow in grace and strength and patience.
It may be, like me, you are destined to walk in solitude, whether it is for a season or a lifetime. It does not mean you are genuinely alone or forsaken. It means you have a unique calling, and only you can do what the others cannot do.
I have to set aside my selfish and petty feelings when it hurts to be rejected by people I want a closer fellowship and relationship with. It hurts because the Bible is all about restoring relationships. But it may be, no matter how important that relationship may be to you, it is not that important to them. You will need to accept this, and forgive the unintentional hurt, and move on. When it is time for you to have close relationships, God Himself will bring it to pass. When He does, it will be a perfect fit.
WALK WITH HIM
Walking with Christ, especially when you are new to Grace, is an exhilarating, sweet, hard, bitter, loving, tearful, strong, powerful, weakening, clarifying and confusing thing. This is because the struggle of the flesh is a continuous battle. The flesh does not want to die. The world is all about the flesh.
The more you pursue Him, the more time you spend in the word and prayer, the bolder you allow yourself to be with others concerning your faith, the more like Him you will become.
No matter who rejects you, Jesus understands rejection. No matter what temptation you endure, Jesus understands your temptation. Jesus bore all our rejection and temptation on the cross. In return, He gave you life and the right to be a child of God.
Now, take up your cross and walk with Him. It will be lonely, at times, but you will never be alone.
Let’s be about it.
I love you in the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ, the only begotten Son of the Living God.
David Perkins
David G. Perkins 