A Long and Awkward Silence

Psalms 4:4

Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart…, and be still. Selah.

– King James Bible “Authorized Version”, Cambridge Edition


Life Affirming Events

WHEN:  The 1980’s

WHERE:  Nun Ya Biznez

The explosion was so sudden I didn’t actually hear it. I felt it though. I felt it come through my feet, my head, my heart, every bone in my body, and my mind. I was thrown some distance. When I came to, all I could see was a pink fog. I was deaf. Eventually, my hearing started to return. The world sounded as if I was hearing it through a foot thick layer of cotton.

As my senses returned, I could hear faint echoes of gunfire, more explosions and someone screaming. My partner was inches from my face and shouting at me to “Come back, damn-it!” I could barely breathe. What gasping breaths I could suck in, I used to shout out for my partner.

I was in shock. My mind had to reboot. Coming too was worse than the explosion itself. Searing pain wracked every square inch of my body. Ultimately, it took days for my body to recover, and even longer for me to get my mind right.

Nothing clarifies one’s sense of mortality than facing death. Had I been a few more feet in another direction, I would have been a pink mist. Fortunately, the explosion was concussive, not filled with shrapnel.

Nothing turns a warrior into a philosopher faster than learning to deal with one’s impending death. This is when you have to take stock and determine what life means and decide what is coming for you when you die.

I call events like this, “Life Affirming Events”. I have two choices when I get to have tea with the grim reaper; Commiserate over it, and grow maudlin, or celebrate that I came out of it alive.

I have had quite a few life affirming events. My pre-Christian response was to indulge in as many heady and sensual activities as I could. Before I was saved by Grace, I used women, alcohol and a very strong and passionate adrenalin drive to affirm I was still alive.

I have fewer “Life Affirming Events” anymore. But failing health and other considerations still serve to remind me I am mortal. All of these events give me the choice of deciding what is important to me, and how I will celebrate and pursue that importance.

In the end, I have discovered that all these events serve to draw me closer to the Creator. As I draw near, I have to decide if I want a relationship with that Creator.

God doesn’t make these events happen, but He will use them to reveal how closely related you are to Him.


Sometimes things happen in the new believer’s life. These things can be so disorientating that all you can do is wait for the smoke to clear, and get your bearings right.

Typically, when these things happen, it is probably because we, as new believers, have put more stock in the opinions and efforts of things and people other than God.

This is why I stopped writing for some time. I needed time to recover from some events that revealed to me what I truly believed about God, and how much I trust Him.

I needed time to think, to pray, to step away from all the noise so I can hear the signal of God’s still, quiet voice.

I found, in the shock of all the sudden noise, I was tempted to sin in mighty and destructive ways. I have no desire to ruin my relationship with God, so I did what Sun Tzu teaches when confronted by sudden chaos…sit still.

In taking time away from writing, and from many other things, I have had the opportunity to see where God reveals Himself in my life and my circumstances.

He is an ever present Father who upholds us, even when we think He is not there.

I took time off to learn this, and I am grateful for your patience.

The down side of all this thinking is, the Pearland Police kept having to pull me out of the park for sitting, and thinking naked. It seems that this is not the way to go about searching for the mind of God. It seemed to work for Rhodan’s “Thinker”…So, I figured, “What have I got to lose?” besides any self-respect and dignity. The pointing and laughing was hard to bear, too. I am no longer the svelte and muscular athlete I used to be. Living this close to the Gulf, I found many people trying to take me back to the ocean and shove me back in.

At any rate, I am grateful for the few readers who have written and asked if I have given up writing. The answer is “No!” But I will give up anything at all if it means drawing nearer to God.

Standing in Awe of God, and not sinning, are two very difficult tasks for a new believer. But, by the strength and power of the Spirit of God, I am able to do all things, as it is Christ who strengthens me.

I hope this is the end to my long and awkward silences. I hope I can find a way to translate the unspoken and meaningful voice of God into something that will do Him justice, as I write about what I have learned.

Thank you, gentle reader, for your patience.

What ever happens, dear friend, take this advice:

33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness…

Matthew 6:33King James Version (KJV)

I love you,

Let’s be about it!

Yours in Jesus Christ,

David G. Perkins


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