This is from my personal journal, “Lessons From a Broken Heart.”
My definition of “Broken” is, sometimes God has to break a man in order to make him teachable. I am one of those men. My personal journal records the lessons I have learned through the process of being broken, and subsequently healed by the Lord.
He who is often reproved, yet stiffens his neck, will suddenly be broken beyond healing. Proverbs 29:1 ESV
Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid. Proverbs 12:1 ESV
If Discipleship were easy, everyone would be doing it, and it wouldn’t require discipline. It would have an “Easy Button”, and at one click, we could all be wise. I guess that would make it Easyship, instead of Discipleship. Unfortunately, discipleship is hard.
Discipleship is hard because what the Holy Spirit is trying to teach me is completely contrary to my flesh, and my natural mind. I have prayed to be possessed of the Mind of Christ, yet have spent the majority of my life doing things my way. I was not willing to give up my character in return for the character of Christ. But I still insisted that God deal with me. I could have avoided all the pain of being broken had I either submitted in the first place, or admitted that I wanted to practice a counterfeit Christianity.
God disciplines the son he loves.
Instead of admitting I was faking my Christianity, and had no real relationship to the Lord, Jesus Christ, I kept asking God to make me like Christ. None-the-less, I refused to submit to the will of God; To be made in the image of Jesus Christ. I didn’t think it was all that important that I read the bible, pray, fellowship with other believers who are also being disciplined, etc. I wanted to go on doing “My Thing”.
The reason I did that is because I didn’t know the difference between the personality that makes me David, and the Character that would make me Christlike. I figured my fleshly character was fine. “If you didn’t like it, stuff it.” What I didn’t want to see was that I had to get out of the way, and let the Holy Spirit build in me the Character of Christ. We were originally created in the likeness of the Living God, but our sin separated us from Him, and we forfeited His character for a fallen, sinful nature.
The rebellion cry of the fallen is , “I am me, you have to like me on my terms, and if you don’t then **** you!!!” I have heard this a lot, recently from several people I correspond with. But the prayer of the Saved is that we be remade into the image of Jesus. The rebellious cry, “I am doing it my way!!!” Sadly, so is much of Christendom. The ones who have a shallow and cheap grace, believe that they can go right on ignoring the call to Christlikeness
We all have a personality. Our personality is one of the unique things that makes us identifiable as individuals. God didn’t mass produce a bunch of “I Robot” machines. We are individual notes in a symphony of unimaginable beauty. What makes our individual note sour and out of tune is the character of sin. That is all we have to offer. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, but, without Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord, I am just my personality full of lousy character.
You never lose what makes you unique, but you gain what makes you acceptable to God. We are all called to submit to the discipline of the Holy Spirit. The Spirit does not deal in accusation and shame. That is what Satan Does. The Spirit of God convicts, but never condemns. You are already redeemed. And u=in God’s eyes, you are complete in Christ, because of Christ.
SO! What’s the big deal? Here is the Big deal. I lived most of my life insisting that God has to accept me as I am, period. But I was not raptured the second I believed. So, while you are still here on Earth, God wants to take you through the process of being remade in the likeness of Christ. Your flesh will rebel every step of the way, but, you can overcome simply by submitting to the will of the Lord. You have to lose your own life to gain His life in you. You have to let the Holy Spirit take apart your character and replace it with His. The reason for this is so you can be a living testimony of Jesus.
My misadventures in to all the dark places I have been were hell’s of my own making. I never had to go there. All I had to do was obey, and submit. I could have avoided all that misery, had I just given my entire life over to Him in the first place.
But now I am finally there. I have given up. The strangest thing for a warrior of God to so is first surrender to God. But you cannot, and will not serve God if you are stiff necked, arrogant, full of your own knowledge but devoid of the Knowledge of the Holy.
If you can read a Bible, open it with the desire to hear from God. You cannot teach the Bible, it already knows more than you ever will. But you can learn from it. You cannot do that unless you have surrendered your way to God, and allow the Holy Spirit to lead you into His righteousness.
I have joy to day because God broke me. I have peace, I know love, REAL love. I am being prepared for His service. I no longer have that fire of hate and anger in me. The Spirit of God is putting the light of His fire in me.
I grew weary of being stupid. And it is a stupid man who claims he serves Christ bur refuses to learn wisdom. This lesson came hard to me because I fought against God’s wisdom. He let me wander around in my own filth. No one saw Jesus when they saw me.
I can now say, with confidence, with the Apostle Paul, I am confident that He who began a good work in me, will be faithful to complete it untill the day of our Lord Jesus. That is when I will perfectly reflect His image. In the mean time, I choose to grow. I choose to know the word. I choose life over death. It is only cheap grace and rebellion that says all you have to do is claim youare saved simply because you acknowledge Christ. You will be part of the great falling away, because, when the storm blows, you will not have th edeep roots to withstand the tempest.
I was just like that, and every wind that blew, blew me off track, because I insisted that even the Almighty God has to accept me without changing me. And I had the stones to ask God why nothing went right in my life. A fool’s way will lead to death. But the heart of the wise is ever learning.
Thank you that you love me enough to discipline me. Thank you that you never gave up on me and kept at the art of breaking my will. I surrender to you, My God. I surrender to you because of the shed blood of Jesus the Messiah. I pray you continue to fill me with YOUR spirit, as you remove my fallen character and make me in the image of your precious and only Son, Jesus Christ, My Lord.
I love you God. I praise you God. You are my delight and joy. To you I give my heart. Amen